(my address)
Singapore XXXXXX
February 7, 2012
Dennis Gan
Block 750 Oasis, Chai Chee Road,
Technopark @ Chai Chee #01-01
Technopark @ Chai Chee #01-01
Singapore 469000
Dear Dennis,
Your job advertisement that you posted
on the JobsDB website immediately caught my attention. I am a very active
person and not a fan of desk-bound jobs. Hence, this job strongly attracted me
because the nature of the job requires one to work out of the office.
Currently, I am a Year 2 student in NUS
studying Mechanical Engineering. As part of the school curriculum, I have to
conduct many laboratory experiments. These experiments require one to have a
keen eye for details in order to find out why experimental values deviate from
theoretical ones. Therefore, this has trained me to spot things many would
overlook. I believe this skill is important for an Energy Engineer whose job
requires them to identify energy saving potentials in building facilities.
During my college days in Serangoon
Junior College, I am honoured to be appointed as the Captain of the school’s
Taekwondo Team. My responsibilities include the smooth running of trainings,
organizing events and more importantly, as a liaison between the Coach, the Teacher-in-charge
and the members. At the end of my college year, I was awarded the CCA
distinction award for my tremendous contribution towards Taekwondo.
Over the past few years, I have been
actively participating in taekwondo tournaments and have won a few medals in
the National Taekwondo Championships. The trainings for the tournaments were
physically and mentally strenuous. However, I find great joy in these trainings
because I am always eager for a challenge.
My experience in liaison and a keen eye
for details are the qualities you are looking for in an Energy Engineer. Coupled
with a positive attitude toward challenges, I am confident I would be able to
have a significant contribution to your company.
Thank you for taking some time out of
your busy schedule to read my cover letter.
Do feel free to contact me at XXXXXXXX
if you require clarification on any of my qualifications.
Yours Sincerely,
Lim Gang Rui
JOB AD!
Post Date 05-Feb-12
Employer Ref. 190274 JobsDB
Ref. JSG400003000885310
Company: UGL
Energy Engineer
Job Description:
- Perform energy audits for building facilities, identifying energy savings potentials and implementation of energy savings measures
- Perform energy savings verifications after project completion
- Provide energy consultancy services to building owners, assisting the buildings in achieving Green Mark Awards and incentives such as GREET Funding, EASe Funding etc
- Liaise with architects, M&E engineers, facility managers and building contractors to ensure issues are addressed and completion of projects within tight deadlines and budget.
- Degree in Environmental/ Mechanical & Electrical Engineering
- Min.3 years of experiences in energy audit, energy modelling and green mark award projects.
- Knowledge of air conditioning systems and chiller plant system's operations sequence will be advantageous.
- Preferbly Singapore Certified Energy Manager (SCEM) or Certified Green Mark Manager (GMM)
Hello peer reviewer!
ReplyDeleteGreat that you have found a name for the hiring manager. Sounds more personal now, doesn't it?
"your job ad that you have posted.." to "The job advertisement posted on...
Hmm, you seem quite certain that this is definitely a non-desk bound job. But will this sentence possibly affect you image negatively as the company cannot get you to do 'desk bound' stuff? I'm thinking more about how this sentence may convey an unintended meaning.
How does your responsibilities in TKD link to your job? Try to construct the link! :D And also, try to shorten your two paragraphs on TKD into one significant one. More paragraphs might give the illusion of a long letter; can be more concise!
I think you could rephrase the part on "clarification on any of my qualifications". Sounds like you have a fault to be picked on!
Ohhh ok! I will try to change my paragraph on the tkd stuff! thanks Candice!
DeleteHey dude,
ReplyDeleteLike the new and improved streamlined letter. I also noticed how you've skewed the Taekwondo experience towards meeting challenges, a trait likely to be much desired by an engineering firm. Liaison and the keen eye details are likely to be attractive to employers.
Some things to look out for would be grammar mistakes like using "The trainings," when it should be "training". Also "conduct experiments" can be a bit of a misnomer and I'd rather you replace that with just talking about relevant modules and associated lab work. Also, like Candice (MASTER OF APPLICATION LETTER EDITING!!!!!) said, you might want to rephrase that last sentence.
Cheers!
Hahahaha master of editing!!! thans for pointing out my grammer mistake!!
DeleteHi Gang,
ReplyDeleteIt is good that you state you're mechanical engineering students because that is one of their requirement. I think it's better to elaborate what you've learned in mechanical engineering, like modules you advanced, and link it to your job requirement.
Cheers,
ok fiza! point noted!!
DeleteHi Gang Rui!
ReplyDeleteI love how fresh your application letter sounds. It definitely exudes confidence about you. There are a few things you might want to take note.
Like the rest have brought out, you'll want to include an overview of your academic qualifications. That really show's the hiring manager what you are about.
Secondly, you might want to address the letter to Mr. Gan, rather than Dennis as it might sound a little too familiar.
In your first paragraph, you should also detail at least the title of the job that you found on jobsdb so that the hiring manager which position you're applying for. Companies might post a few ad on the same media at the same time.
Finally, a small point but your two paragraphs on Taekwondo can be combined and shortened to one concise paragraph so that the reader will not glance over your second paragraph and miss out information.
All the best for your rewrite!
Leon
oh yes the "mr gan". It slipped off my mind. ok will take note of your pointers. thanks leon!!
DeleteWA liyuan!! thats a great suggestion! i never thought of it. Thanks!!
ReplyDelete